The truth about Endings

For some reason I have always been okay with the concept of endings, in all forms. I mean there isn't much we are guaranteed of in life, mainly that we will pay tax's and that we will eventually die and thinking about it like that makes it seem really pathetic to me, when someone is afraid of dying.

Why be afraid of the one thing you are sure of, and I know it is not the actual death that scares the majority of us, but the thought of being forgotten in life, or leaving unnecessary burdens on your loved ones.

I guess reading has a lot to do with my acceptance of endings, because there is always characters who you must say good bye to and unfortunately even whole worlds you must eventually leave behind. But accepting the fact that all things will end, isn't at all depressing, it teached you to enjoy the little things, like the sweet taste of milkshake, or your friends snorting laugh.

When you know that eventually you are going to have to watch the movie of your life, than you want a life worth a movie. You want to expierence things you will remember even when all concious thought has left your mind. You want to smell the air of different worlds, and see through the eyes of the man next to you and you want to be happy.

Suddenly your focus shifts from petty thoughts and judgmental remarks to acceptance, why waste your time and energy on things that don't bring you any joy, that you don't want to experience again, when you could instead be gathering the material for a beautiful scene where for a moment you take a leap of faith and land unhurt into the sweet embrace of a cool spring.

And why waste your time when you could be learning about something that boggles your mind and drives you to the brink of insanity and obsession.

Why hold back in love, or not kiss him cause it will break your heart, your heart will heal , think of all the heartaches you have experienced in life, and have you ever died because of them. Unlikely, unless there is an afterlife that has access to the human internet. But what do the thoughts of others matter, when what you want is him?

Now i am not saying just sleep with any man that arouses you, but is that really so bad? Is it really going to make you a horrible person, because you love freely and trust wholeheartedly? And have hope that he truly loves you? What if one day you pass on, your story ends and you suddenly discover that he really was everything you wanted and needed and you look back, when your whole life is just a blink of an eye in the existence of the universe and you did nothing, nothing worth remembering? You followed the rules made by a society more corrupt and brutal and animalistic than nature and as such failed to live your life and make an impact.

So yes there will always be endings, endings of relationships, friendships and endings of life, but they are all we have, so we might as well make sure we make the best of our time before the last page is turned. You are the only person looking out for you, so make sure you take care of yourself.

A little twisted.

Maybe I am a little twisted, I don’t really know, but I have this strange desire to make people feel addicted to me. I want someone to want to crawl through the flames of hell for me, or someone who will fly across the world just so that they can watch me smile. I want a romance worthy of Shakespeare, nothing less.

But isn’t that just so alluring, the power to drive someone absolutely insane. Someone who hangs onto every syllable you utter and every look your eyes make. Someone who can describe your voice to the point of rendering a crowd speechless, who makes even your darkest moments seem like a gift worthy of praise.

Maybe this is just a reflection of my insecurities. I am not sure. But there is just something intoxicating about the thought of being someone’s obsession.

I realise that there is also a darker side to obsessions, you know the whole stalking buzz, but I don’t know, I can see how that is irritating and annoying and unnerving, but still so alluring.

So I sit and dream of making people serve me, not out of fear, but out of obsession and love and lust, I just want to feel like someone’s everything. And if that is sick and twisted to want someone to die for my smile then I will be sick and twisted.

But please take me like your drug and let my voice infuse your blood with my words and bring you to a point of euphoria, which you can never reach without me. Crave my touch and long for my kiss. But most of all dote on me as if I am nothing but a lamb that needs your constant care. And maybe, just maybe I will give you what you so desire.